Imagine placing your mother in a memory care facility because she has Alzheimer’s disease and can no longer live safely at home.

You trust the staff to care for her. You visit regularly. You do your best to make sure she’s comfortable and safe.

Then one day, the facility tells you that your mother has become difficult to manage. She’s resisting care, sometimes hitting or kicking staff members who are trying to help her.

The facility wants to give her powerful medications to calm her down.

But you’re worried about the risks, so you say no.

Then the facility tells you your mother can no longer stay.

This isn’t just a hypothetical situation. It happened to a Michigan family, and the dispute is now making its way through the courts.

It’s a troubling reminder of how difficult decisions can become when a loved one has dementia, especially when families and care facilities disagree about what’s best.

Why This Matters

A Michigan Family Faced an Impossible Choice

Marjorie Tingley was 85 years old and living in a memory care facility in Jackson, Michigan.

As her Alzheimer’s disease progressed, she sometimes became upset and physically resisted staff members who were helping her bathe or change her clothes.

The facility wanted to use antipsychotic medications to control her behavior.

These are powerful medications originally developed to treat serious mental health conditions. They are sometimes prescribed to people with dementia who experience severe agitation or aggression.

But they also carry serious risks.

In fact, the FDA warns that antipsychotic medications increase the risk of death in older adults with dementia-related psychosis.

Marjorie’s two sons, who held her power of attorney, were concerned about those risks and resisted the medications.

What happened next was disturbing.

Over a five-week period, the facility called 911 eight times to have Marjorie taken to a hospital emergency room for mental health evaluations.

The facility maintained that it needed to protect its staff and other residents. Her family believed the repeated hospital trips were punishment for refusing the medications.

Eventually, the facility issued a 30-day eviction notice and later refused to allow Marjorie to return after a hospital visit, even before the notice period ended.

Her family moved her to another memory care facility. She died from Alzheimer’s shortly afterward.

The family filed a lawsuit. A judge dismissed the negligence claim, but claims involving wrongful eviction and emotional distress are scheduled for trial. The facility denies wrongdoing.

The Bigger Question: Medication or Better Care?

Anyone who has cared for someone with Alzheimer’s knows that dementia can change a person’s behavior.

Someone who was once gentle and easygoing may become frightened, confused, or even aggressive.

But there’s something important to understand.

Behavior is often a form of communication.

A person with advanced dementia may not be able to explain that they’re in pain, frightened, embarrassed, or uncomfortable.

Imagine being unable to understand why a stranger is removing your clothing or trying to give you a bath.

You might resist, too.

Sometimes agitation is caused by pain, an infection, medication side effects, or simply being overwhelmed.

That doesn’t mean medications are never appropriate. In some situations, severe aggression creates real dangers, and medication may be necessary after careful medical evaluation.

But medication shouldn’t automatically be the first answer simply because someone is difficult to care for.

Families should feel comfortable asking what else has been tried, what risks the medication carries, and whether there may be another reason for the behavior.

Not All Memory Care Facilities Follow the Same Rules

Here’s something many Michigan families don’t realize.

A memory care facility is not necessarily a nursing home.

Nursing homes that participate in Medicare or Medicaid must follow detailed federal rules regarding medications, resident rights, and discharge procedures.

Many assisted living and memory care communities operate under different state rules.

That means the protections available to residents can vary depending on the type of facility and how it is licensed.

And while a facility has a responsibility to keep its staff and residents safe, families also need to understand their loved one’s rights when disagreements arise.

A facility’s decision to discharge someone does not automatically mean the discharge is legally proper.

This Is Also an Estate Planning Issue

When I talk with families about estate planning, we spend a great deal of time discussing who will make decisions if someone becomes unable to make them independently.

Most people think about financial decisions.

But medical and long-term care decisions can be even more difficult.

In Michigan, a Patient Advocate Designation allows you to choose someone to make medical and care decisions for you if you become unable to make those decisions yourself.

That person may someday face questions about medications, nursing home placement, hospital treatment, and other deeply personal matters.

It’s not enough to simply name someone.

The person you choose needs to understand your wishes and be willing to speak up for you.

That may mean asking difficult questions, requesting another medical opinion, or disagreeing with a care facility when something doesn’t seem right.

It also means recognizing that care providers have legitimate safety concerns that must be addressed.

These decisions are rarely simple.

And when someone has advanced dementia, the person making those decisions may be the only voice that individual has left.

Simple Lesson

A good care plan isn’t just about finding a safe place for someone to live.

It’s also about making sure their dignity, comfort, and wishes are respected when they can no longer speak for themselves.

That’s why choosing the right person to make decisions for you is such an important part of estate planning.

Action Step

If you have a loved one living in assisted living or memory care, take some time to understand the facility’s policies.

Ask how the staff handles agitation or aggressive behavior, when medications are considered, and what happens if the facility believes it can no longer safely care for a resident.

If you’re reviewing your own estate plan, make sure your Patient Advocate Designation is current and that the person you’ve chosen understands your wishes.

Most importantly, have those conversations before a crisis.

Because when a loved one can no longer speak for themselves, having someone who knows their wishes and is willing to advocate for them can make all the difference.

If this topic raises questions for you or your family, feel free to call (517) 548-7400 or contact us online: https://www.michiganestateplans.com/contact-us